He didn't save BJ. He didn't heal him in the way we thought He would, or even thought He should.
It's been 3 weeks now. I've never been so broken or felt so lost. I've been sad, and distraught, and solemn and sullen. I've had fleeting moments of laughter with no tears, and laughter through tears. I've felt absolutely crushed at the realization that this is my life. What kind of life will it be now? Will this pain ever lessen? Will there ever be a day that goes by that some reminder doesn't open the free fall of tears?
With Easter coming, and thinking about Jesus' death, and that BJ is with Him now. Some thoughts came to mind...
Jesus went to the cross. He suffered excruciating pain, he felt ALL of our sins (past, present and future), and he felt the loneliness, the isolation from his father. He was mocked, and spat on. He was crushed, he was pierced, he was brutally beaten. Spikes were driven into his hands and feet. He was God...He could have saved himself from that pain. He didn't. He went willingly. He knew there was a plan, a reason for his suffering. No one else knew. His mother didn't know of this plan while she was watching her son hang on a cross, in so much pain and anguish. I can only imagine how she felt, maybe as I felt watching my own child suffer, and take his last breaths as I screamed and cried and begged him not to leave me.
But Jesus didn't save himself from the cross...He knew He was going there, and He knew why. He knew the plan. No one else knew, but He did. We know that plan now. We know that Jesus died in our place. He died so that we may have life after our own death. He died so that death would no longer have victory. Satan will never win. What beauty in death...it's called love. Because God SO loved the world, he sent his very own son to die so that when we believe in Him, we would live with Him forever.
God didn't save BJ from cancer...He knows why. He knows the plan. No one else knows, but He does. There will be good that comes from this, because that is promised to those who love Him. BJ loved Jesus. I know that BJ is with Jesus right now...cancer free, pain free and no longer fighting to live.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Three weeks ago today, BJ left us. For three eternal weeks, we've been trying to find our way through each day without him. We fought a long, tough battle side by side and the abrupt end of it has left us lost. We put our complete faith in God that BJ would be healed. With faith like that, there was no room for doubt. BJ shared that faith. His faith was wide open. He wanted to be healed, and live his life, but he also had room in his heart that God's plan was good, whatever the outcome for himself. In his words... "It is whatever it is."
I found a note on his computer, written January 27th. It was going to be a video for his facebook followers. "Hey everyone it's BJ! I just wanted to say Thank You So Much for all the continued prayers. I have shocked the doctors and I truly rely on GOD through all this and trust in him to take my hand and guide me through this. GOD has a plan for me and for every person on this earth. It may not be what we expect but in the end there will be some good to come out of it."
As inconceivable to us as this is, there was a reason that BJ wasn't healed here on Earth, and we still know that God's plan is good. Ultimately, BJ was right. There will be some good to come out of it. There already has been good realized through his fight, through his determination and immoveable faith in God. BJ made an impact in lives across the country. He challenged strangers to face their obstacles and live without complaint. He pushed people who followed his story to be #BJStrong!
One more thing is for certain...cancer has poked a momma bear and a sister bear. This 'most curable' leukemia that with standard chemotherapy protocols just wasn't "curable, curable, curable"...Take notice...a warrior mom and a brilliant little warrior sister are coming for you. BJ's story is far from over. He didn't lose his fight. He passed the baton to two more-than-willing and able teammates, who are fueled by the unconditional, never-ending love of an incredible 15 year old boy who made a difference and never gave up.
With this 3rd week being Easter Sunday, we remember Christ's death and resurrection. We are thankful for our risen Savior, Jesus Christ, and because of Him, we know we will see BJ again. We know that BJ is in the presence of Jesus. (2 Corinthians 5:8) He took BJ by the hand and ushered him into Paradise. Our faith will remain strong...why would we ever push away from the One who BJ is with?
I invite you to comment or message this page with stories of BJ...a fond memory of him, or simply how he impacted your life. Carly and I take great comfort in hearing these remembrances. Thank you for the cards and letters. We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.