He didn't save BJ. He didn't heal him in the way we thought He would, or even thought He should.
It's been 3 weeks now. I've never been so broken or felt so lost. I've been sad, and distraught, and solemn and sullen. I've had fleeting moments of laughter with no tears, and laughter through tears. I've felt absolutely crushed at the realization that this is my life. What kind of life will it be now? Will this pain ever lessen? Will there ever be a day that goes by that some reminder doesn't open the free fall of tears?
With Easter coming, and thinking about Jesus' death, and that BJ is with Him now. Some thoughts came to mind...
Jesus went to the cross. He suffered excruciating pain, he felt ALL of our sins (past, present and future), and he felt the loneliness, the isolation from his father. He was mocked, and spat on. He was crushed, he was pierced, he was brutally beaten. Spikes were driven into his hands and feet. He was God...He could have saved himself from that pain. He didn't. He went willingly. He knew there was a plan, a reason for his suffering. No one else knew. His mother didn't know of this plan while she was watching her son hang on a cross, in so much pain and anguish. I can only imagine how she felt, maybe as I felt watching my own child suffer, and take his last breaths as I screamed and cried and begged him not to leave me.
But Jesus didn't save himself from the cross...He knew He was going there, and He knew why. He knew the plan. No one else knew, but He did. We know that plan now. We know that Jesus died in our place. He died so that we may have life after our own death. He died so that death would no longer have victory. Satan will never win. What beauty in death...it's called love. Because God SO loved the world, he sent his very own son to die so that when we believe in Him, we would live with Him forever.
God didn't save BJ from cancer...He knows why. He knows the plan. No one else knows, but He does. There will be good that comes from this, because that is promised to those who love Him. BJ loved Jesus. I know that BJ is with Jesus right now...cancer free, pain free and no longer fighting to live.