Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Sunday, April 23, 2017
I saw him, standing behind a table, making something...maybe a card for me.
He was bathed in warm yellow light.
He had a full head of hair and he was beautiful.
I stood there looking at him.
He smiled at me and came around the table toward me.
He put his arms around me and hugged me.
While he hugged me, he sighed.
It was the "I've missed you" kind of sigh.
I started sobbing into his shoulder.
My crying woke me up crying, and once again, he was gone.
It felt so real. It was his hug.
I miss him so much.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Friday, April 14, 2017
A million times over I would have taken everything my son went through to spare him all of his pain, suffering and cruel death. As inexplicably deeply as I loved him, and as much as I begged, it was not humanly possible for me to do. But God, being God, and full of love for his children, spared our *eternal* pain and suffering by sending his son to die a gruesome death. He took it all, all of our past, present and future sins, on himself. Thank you Jesus. Only because of you and your selfless sacrifice, we have hope beyond the grave. Hug BJ for us....until we can hug him again one day.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Monday, April 10, 2017
She used to have her big brother to talk to, to laugh with, to hang out with, to ask advice, to protect her, to play jokes on her, to video him doing stupid stuff....He was always there for her, and she was always there for him.
So it broke another piece of my heart one night, when she blurted out..."You know, people that have siblings really don't know how good they have it."
I stopped, as that sank in...deep.
She's kind of an 'only child' now. At that moment, I could really see the lonely in her eyes.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Monday, April 3, 2017
This was the shirt BJ was wearing the day he never came back home.
I've had it safely tucked away in a ziplock bag for the past year. Tonight I was looking for this particular shirt in his closet but I couldn't find it. I realized where it probably was, and went to get the bag of things from their safe place. It was there. I opened the bag and out came the scent of my sweet boy and the flood of emotion that followed. Oh I miss him so much. He would be so excited about tonight's game. Heel yeah, BJ.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Well known fact: BJ loved his North Carolina Tar Heels
He loved wearing anything Tarheel, and especially loved wearing it when we were at Duke. The nurses would just laugh at him because he said he would have them "converted" by the time he left. The doctors tried to overlook the obvious fact that his blood ran Carolina blue, but it was pretty hard to miss this boy who brought his Tarheels sheets!